My Photo
Location: Huaraz, Ancash, Peru

Having mastered the University of Montana's IYFD program, I journeyed to Peru with the US Peace Corps. Currently, I'm discovering Peru while living in the gorgeous Andes mountains in beautiful Ancash. Come visit!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Wanting what exactly?

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

An interesting statement. Of course this is the first line of the famous Psalm 23. You know, the Psalm we all associate with death, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." The Lord as a shepherd, one who walks, feeds, protects, guides. Therefore, I shall not want. But for some reason that doesn't make any sense to me. I'm an American. I work hard, and are we not taught that "The American Dream" is all we really should want. You know, the perfect spouse, the perfect 2.5 children, a dog or cat, a nice job and a lot of good, ol' American comfortableness. I don't even know if that's a word, but I know we desire it. There is a huge tension raging inside of me that has a hard time saying, "I shall not want." Deep down inside of me, my rights scream out, "I have plenty of wants!!! What's wrong with that?!" As I laid in bed last night trying to repeat this phrase over in my head as a form of meditation, I kept thinking about all that I truly did want. I want a loving and wonderful spouse. I want adventure - to live and experience other cultures. I want to get my new Driver's Liscense with no hassles. And then I realize my greatest want is the desire to not be wrong about my wants. I want to be able to want without guilt.

I moved again recently, for what must be the 8th time since I left my parents' home. This time my new apartment is much smaller than my previous two apartments, plus I inherited my Granny's queen bed. I discovered that for my age and circumstances - I have way to much stuff. Moving from a big apartment to a much smaller apartment, now complete with roommate, I knew I didn't have enough room for all that stuff. So as I sorted through it (ala Clean Sweep) I realized that I was really just filling those moving boxes with years and years of wants. But what really struck me was that the more I put in the "sell" pile, the better I felt. I felt better letting go of all those wants. And I started to think about the other things that I wanted, and I realized that I have plenty of great things already, that maybe I don't need to add anything else to the wants pile.

Max Lucado says, "What you have in your Shepherd is greater than what you don't have in life." How true? So often we write off Jesus as just another great teacher, even if we do call ourselves Christian. Yet, Jesus was the smartest man to ever live, he could manipulate the chemical structure of water to turn it into wine and he could change the DNA structure of a human being to heal them or bring them back from the dead (thanks Dallas Willard). The Good Shepherd truly is greater than my wants. I imagine if I really need it, He'll provide it, in His time. And let's face it, "God might not work on my schedule, but He is never late." So, when I lie in bed tonight, I'm going to try and pray as the Puritans did, "All this and Jesus too?"


Post a Comment

<< Home